Maternity leaves Bitter end

I’m pretty much balling as a write this. Reality is setting in that I have to go back to work this week.
With Kai I got 7 months, why I’ll never know, I worked for the state, everyone always asked me how I managed so much time, I have no idea. I was ready after 7months and I went back part time and a few months later started a new position full time.
This time because of my damn rash and getting pulled early I get around 10 weeks. Thankfully, I have the most wonderful supervisor who not only let me take an extra week without pay but also start 3 days the first week to slowly transition in. I will forever be grateful for the extra time.
I wish I could stay at home with my babies or just work part time and have the best of both worlds but I really do like my job and they are so understanding when it comes to family issues. My husbands job health insurance sucks, so that’s really the only thing from me throwing my hands up and quitting. If I told him I didn’t want to go back he would tell me he would figure out and to quit, bless his heart.
I thoroughly enjoy working, making my own money, and not being dependent on my husband. But I’m all for being that woman again in 5-8 years when my babies are in school and being a SAHM. Scratch that, this school violence keeps up, I am homeschooling them.

Still I’m angry AF that as women that we only get 3 months with our newborn babies, if that, it’s unpaid time so some people can’t afford that. It’s absolutely ridiculous and I could write the rest of this dropping F bombs in every sentence. Other countries get paid time off and I know they are incorporating a new policy in NY to get some paid time off but that doesn’t do me any good.
I never pictured myself being a SAHM, I’m a worker bee out of the home. Don’t get me wrong SAHM, that is no joke, 24/7, no time to eat or pee. SAHM is by far one of the hardest jobs and if you question that you’ve obviously never tried it. Motherhood is hard no matter how you slice it, staying home or working, the job is never done.The one thing I look forward to going back is lunch time and walking to get a coffee lol.
There is so much they don’t tell you about when becoming a mom. Even though I already have one, I’ve learned so many new things this time around.
What if I physically and emotionally can’t do it. Does that happen? What use am I if I spend the whole time crying at my desk. I’m very blessed that my boys will be home with my mom and I can get pictures at the drop of a dime. But I’m so unsure about this it’s not even funny. How do you make the decision to stay at home or go back to work? Do you sacrifice finances and certain things until your babies start school so you can raise them? I guess I won’t know until I go back and try it. If I’m completely miserable I’ll have to do some soul searching and to figure out what is best for us. This just effin sucks I’m not ready, I’m just not ready to leave my baby Kash. Deep breathe it will be okay I keep telling myself. All my girlies better be texting me come Wednesday to keep me sane!

Xoxo
Casey

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